Only a handful of artists have stood at the zeitgeist’s precipice throughout their careers: The Beatles, Cookie Monster……and maybe Andy Warhol…..But Warhol and half of the Beatles are dead, so let’s talk about Cookie Monster.
Cookie Monster has googly eyes, blue fur, no teeth, and no nose. For some reason, he’ll only refer to himself as the object case of the pronoun “I,” which is “Me,” so almost nothing he says is grammatically correct. To make sure his fans don’t all develop type 2 diabetes before they turn 6, Cookie Monster advocates healthy dietary practices. However, he continues to devour sugary baked goods and basically everything else he sees at all times, so he’s a big hypocrite.
But that’s okay, because he has his finger on the pulse of pop music. These days, all musicians are considered pathetic failures until Cookie Monster decides to redo one of their songs. After that, they become unimaginably famous and powerful gods of popular culture. Doubt us? Here’s a quick mixtape of examples via YouTube.
“Me Want It (But Me Wait)”
A joint effort between Swedish duo Icona Pop and U.K. songstress Charli XCX, the effervescent party anthem “I Love It (I Don’t Care)” has proven inescapable in recent months. But music fans everywhere, all of them, agreed that the track could’ve been improved by lyrics extolling the virtue of self-control. Never one to miss an opportunity to make a good song better, Cookie Monster hit the studio for “Me Want It (But Me Wait).” In the video above, Cookie Monster really wants a cookie, but eschews instant gratification until the end of the song. Then he eats a cookie. Also, a bunch of random muppets dance around.
“Share it Maybe”
Even though Carly Rae Jepsen garnered international fame and probably a whole bunch of money with her breakthrough sparkler “Call Me Maybe,” the Canadian songbird failed miserably to convince her audience to share their cookies. And sharing cookies is IMPORTANT! Once again, Cookie Monster swooped in to correct a pop singer’s horrible, horrible mistakes with “Share It Maybe.” While the clip for “Me Want It” contains a few references to Icona Pop’s vibrant “I Love It” video, “Share It Maybe” takes place in an office. Like, with cubicles and people dressed “business casual” and stuff. We’re not sure what’s up with that, but who are we to challenge Cookie Monster’s genius? Also, we’re pretty sure the shots of Cookie Monster singing on a couch while musicians play toy instruments recalls Jepsen’s performance with Jimmy Fallon and the Roots.
It was unheard of for a wildly successful pop song to last more than three or four minutes in 1968. But because The Beatles could do basically whatever they wanted, the seven-minute “Hey Jude” spent nine weeks as the number one song in the U.S. And we plucked that fact from wikipedia, so it might’ve been number one for even longer than that.
Due to its epic length, many listeners were left famished by the ballad’s conclusion. Because John Lennon and Paul McCartney neglected to include any lyrics reminding their audience to eat food, millions starved. Once again, Cookie Monster solved the problem. While famous for his fondness for cookies, “Hey Food” sees Cookie Monster expressing enthusiasm for fish and cheddar cheese, while the muppet incarnation of the Fab Four confess to enjoying bread, in both its toast and non-toast forms.
“Healthy Food (Wyclef Jean remix)”
This isn’t an instance of Cookie Monster covering someone else’s song, and Pras is easily the coolest Fugee, but we’re nonetheless including this collaboration between Wyclef and Cookie Monster. “Healthy Food” stands as yet another example of Cookie Monster overcompensating for whatever part he’s played in the childhood obesity epidemic.
In this clip, Cookie Monster briefly touches upon Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face,” and it’s unfortunate that we may never hear the sonic majesty of one of Gaga’s signatures once it’s undergone a complete Cookie-ification. But let us remember that there’s only one plausible reason why Cookie Monster’s quest to host SNL did not come to fruition – Lorne Michaels is racist against monsters.