How to Tell if Your Baby is Secretly a Gnome

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Did you know that 1 in 25 babies is actually a gnome in disguise?* Think about it. Little? Grumpy? Full of mischief? Sound like anyone you know? It may be difficult to distinguish babies from gnomes, but we’re here to help. We’ve come up with 4 ways to tell if your offspring is a diminutive spirit hailing from the world of Renaissance alchemy.

*73.6% of all statistics are made up.

Step 1: Check for a Beard

It’s unclear why some female gnomes have beards and some don’t, but if your baby has a beard, that’s a pretty solid indicator of gnomism. Etsy seller The Wishing Elephant shows exactly how important a beard is to the gnome ensemble with this baby gnome costume.

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Step 2: Check for a Pointy Hat

If your child doesn’t have a beard, that doesn’t completely rule out gnomism. A secondary check in some cases may reveal an affinity toward pointy hats, like the one featured in the graphic on this beautiful grass green onesie from the Vital Etsy store.

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The gnomish pointy hat comes in all sizes and colors, but the distinctive point at the top is how you can tell it apart from the hats of other woodland sprites. You may find a hat that is the traditional red cone, or you may find one that’s a bit more subtle like this hand-knit one from CreatiKnit. If you’ve come to the point where you’ve discovered a drawer full of pointy hats in your baby’s room, the only thing to do is to gnomify yourself so your kid doesn’t feel quite so odd. Why not grab yourself a matching adult knit hat to match?

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Step 3: Check for traditional belt and boots

Most Gnomes have roots in icy climates, so the clothing of their people typically include black winter boots and a belt to keep their coats tucked in. This little garden gnome costume nicely demonstrates how the accessories really pull the gnome ensemble together. Notice the ears and beard; this child is definitely a gnome.

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But again, just because your child isn’t wearing winter boots, it doesn’t mean you’re in the clear. There are also summer gnomes, who go completely barefoot. If that’s the case, you’ll need to check for other signs like the ones on this baby sporting the belted onesie and bearded hat from littlebeanart.

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Step 4: Understand that Gnomes Come in All Shapes and Sizes

If you’re only looking for accoutrements of the stereotypical garden gnome, you may be missing signs of gnomishness. Don’t forget to look for other types of gnomes, like the rare and ever-so-sneaky ninja gnome.

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Comments

  1. jared

    THIS DID NOT HELP WHAT IF MY CHILD IS A GNOME.

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