Aperture Bookends Keep Lab Spaces, er, Bedrooms Clean


Wanna freak your kid out? Issue this warning before presenting these nifty bookends …

“Please be advised that tidiness of all bedrooms … I mean, Aperture Laboratories work spaces … must be maintained according to written policy. Mom and Dad … I mean, the Enrichment Center … regrets to inform you that all written policies have been incinerated in an emergency intelligence incinerator. Employees who successfully maintain the tidiness of their work space will be rewarded with a hug. Please note that failure to follow Mom’s and Dad’s … I mean, Aperture Laboratories … procedures will result in a negative performance review followed by death. Or restriction. More likely, restriction.


In the event that your work space requires additional organizational equipment, please utilize these official Aperture Laboratories weighted bookends. They’re aluminum and feature a rubber base, so they won’t slip. The Aperture Laboratories bookends have been thoroughly tested and proven to effectively help organize cluttered bedrooms … I mean, work spaces … with minimal risk of permanent injury or death. If you need assistance in deploying your Aperture Laboratories weighted bookends, the Enrichment Center is happy to provide you with advice.

Like this: Clean your freakin’ room … I mean, work space.


You will be rewarded for cleaning your bedroom … I mean, work space … with a big hug. And praise. And these bookends.”

Now go clean your room. Seriously. It’s a mess.”

The Aperture Lab bookends are available through ThinkGeek.

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