If you steer your kids away from watching WWE, nobody’s blaming you. It’s violent, chauvinistic and lots of wrestlers (allegedly) die young from steroid abuse or the type of painkiller addiction a person develops when his or her job requires getting power-bombed through a table every day.
But “The Second City Savior” CM Punk eschews the standards set by lesser titans of the squared circle. A disciple of Fugazi’s Ian MacKaye as much as Rowdy Roddy Piper, Punk’s lived the clean-and-sober “straight edge” lifestyle since … always. As a BFF of Lars Frederiksen and a many-time interviewee of Chris Hardwick, Punk has legit nerd and, uh, punk cred that cannot be scrutinized.
You think I’m lying? You think just because CM Punk could probably beat you up, that makes him less of a nerd than you? Well, do you own a flux capacitor? Because the man whose drivers license identifies him as “Phillip Brooks” sure does. When Hardwick visited Punk for a recent episode of The Nerdist podcast, the host noted that Punk’s living quarters reminded him “of Rob Zombie’s place,” with ample amounts of classic horror and sci-fi memorabilia on display. Punk said that if his Back to the Future replica worked, he’d go back in time to see the original lineup of The Misfits, and watch Jerry Lawler beat up Andy Kaufman during the glory days of Memphis wrestling.
Later on the podcast, Punk mentioned that one of his first jobs was working at a comic book store and reiterated his affinity for The Walking Dead. Speaking of mindless, decaying monsters, he also spoke of poseur crust punks who roam his neighborhood in search of spare change. Unlike most of his TV adversaries, these smelly Crass fans have earned his mortal scorn for really reals.
And those crusties should worry, because Punk don’t take crap for anybody. One time, he quit the WWE, told CEO Vince McMahon to eat a bag of wieners, then trounced John Cena and escaped the organization with its world title. Controversy abounded!
McMahon’s media and merchandising empire once again employs the Chicago-bred grappler. And so, in the tradition of the “Bash Em Buddies” some of us may remember from the early ‘90s, we have a CM Punk “Bleacher Creature.”
This 10-inch tall plushie – with signature details like Punk’s lip piercing and steely scowl – could help young wrestling fans go to sleep with its sheer snuggle-ability … unlike the real CM Punk, who puts people to sleep by kneeing them in the face and is not safe to snuggle.