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Color Em’ All – Metallica T-Shirt

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In the 1970’s, metal bands like Black Sabbath and Motorhead began a musical phenomenon of massive proportions; in the 80’s, the emphasis went away from the darker, brooding tones of the 70’s signature sound and headed down a faster, punk-inspired direction with the rise of Thrash metal; in the 90’s, we saw the death of Hair Metal’s superficiality and the start of a sludgier, deadlier, and harsher take on the Death Metal genre, strewn with pig squeal vocalities and love for Satan; and in the 00’s, we dug a massive grave and whistled happily as we threw every Nu Metal band however many miles into the ground and welcomed talented acts like Mastodon and Lamb of God into the playing field while jeering at the introduction of “Crunk Core,” a ridiculous fusion of Electronica and Grindcore? Screamo? that is currently “in” with younger metalheads. In a few months Crunk Core will perish and we’ll happily forget about crappy bands like Blood On the Dance Floor who are so bad–that seriously–you have to listen. Here’s a video for you to witness what garbage would sound like if it could sing:

That now leaves us to ponder what the next phase of metal’s metamorphosis will be and what it will sound like. Being that the future remains unclear to anyone who isn’t clairvoyant, or that chick from Medium, you can only hope that when your metal monster grows up, they’ll have more than a few flavors of the moment to bask in. Until that moment comes, if you happen to be parents who are Heavy Metal listeners, you’ll probably dress the mini version/s of yourselves in attire bearing the names of your favorite bands. Perhaps a Metallica shirt might be the thing you’re looking for? If that be the case then hey, the power of Lars Ulrich is on your side.

The Metallica Crayon Toddler T-Shirt from band-tees.com is a Thrasher baby’s golden ticket into the circle of coolness. Undeniably the best metal act from the 80’s, Metallica is exactly what you want your child to stomp and thrash around in, especially when he’s one-upping the other, more unfortunate tots whose parents subject them to crappy, crunky junk. (**Note to parents who do this: please stop right now. Seriously). Available for toddlers four and under, this “crayon drawn” t-shirt is made with 100% cotton fabric and only comes in black. But hey, c’mon, is there any other option more suitable than that? Answer: Heck. NO

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