When you dreamed of having kids, you probably fantasized about the day you would teach them how to jump over barrels in the original Donkey Kong or chomp fruit and avoid mouthless ghosts in Pac-Man. The one thing you didn’t anticipate, however, is your kids’ distaste for any technology that existed before last week. The only solution is to cultivate (i.e. force) an appreciation of retro video games through osmosis (i.e. strong-arm tactics).
We recommend beginning your kid’s retro gaming indoctrination with their bedroom walls. They’ll dig this awesome retro Gameland Wallpaper by Aimee Wilder, and it’ll give you a great conversation starter to begin teaching them about the visual genius of some of the old 8-bits. This graphic tribute to video game nostalgia even comes in five different colors.
Once you have the wallpaper in place, the next thing to do is to make yourself a retro gaming ambassador. This means you’ll need to deck yourself out with nods to the classics, like this 8-bit tie.
The tie will pull double duty securing your status as a gamer nerd at the office. If you’re not much for ties, you can still project the coolness of 8 bit with these 8-bit sunglasses.
Now that they’re probably beginning to come around to the retro video game aesthetic, you can prepare them for their first two-person Pac-Man session with you at the arcade by dropping a few great Pac-Man items around the house. Make the transition easy by mixing old and new tech with this iBoo iPad Dock. If you’re attempting to gamer-ize your daughter, try getting her these Pac-Man earrings as a gift. If they still aren’t quite getting the message, you may need to do something bold like putting up a giant Pac-Man wall decal.
If they decide Pac-Man just isn’t their thing, don’t give up. What about classic Nintendo? No child of yours could ever hate that. Just to make sure, we recommend starting them early with this “Game Baby” onesie. It looks just like the original Gameboy, except with no off button. If you have older kids, just send them subtle signals with the objects they use every day, like replacing normal lamps with 1-up mushrooms.
If your attempts to refine your child’s gaming repertoire are proving futile, you may need to get a little tougher, as with this Raiden cardboard standup.
If he still doesn’t listen, then FINISH HIM (or maybe just resign yourself to the idea that your kid is simply a child of the Angry Birds age).