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Tagsearly elementary, preschooler, tween, wood, zombie
Zombies are horrifying. Zombie children are even more so. Which is why it’s important to instruct your wee ones in the fine art of surviving a zombie apocalypse. How awful would you feel as a parent if the shining light of your life was infected and swapped their lunchtime juice box for braaaaaaiiiiiinnnns? Teach ‘em while they’re young! Of course, your kids can’t start cranking off head shots at four years old, so it’s best to start small. This here bowling set is just the ticket. It’s safe, simple, and it teaches children to take delight in laying those brain-chomping zombies low. This lesson is especially important; if mommy becomes infected your children will need to rely on gut instinct to take you out before the disease spreads. The pins are of course made to resemble the undead, but with one catch. A single pin is not infected; it is the solemn duty of your child to topple the zombies without doing harm to the innocent bystander. It’s no mean feat, and if worse comes to worse and the world doesn’t end in a George Romero-esque nightmare, at least your kids will rule the lanes of their local alley when they grow up.